Nothing can test a human being quite as much as the trials of parenting a teenager! Yesterday’s sweet little girl or boisterous boy can turn almost overnight into an apathetic, mood-swinging, rebellious bundle of hormones, and a previously peaceful home can become a battleground. Your teen is no longer a child, but not yet an adult – so how can you help him or her negotiate the world of dating.

Recognise Your Resonsibility as an Adult
As a parent you must enable your teen to find out for themselves what is acceptable and not acceptable; what’s right or wrong. But at the same time, you also have a basic duty to ensure the safety of that child as they negotiate a potentially dangerous world.

Dating is an important part of this process of social development, in which teens learn how to relate to members of the opposite sex, how to set personal boundaries, and how to express emotions in a manner which is consistent with their values.

Remember That Times Have Changed
The world is a very different place from the one you negotiated as a teen. There are more physical dangers out there for your child and there is vastly more experimentation going on than in your day. There is no point trying to shield your child from the facts of life, but if you have not yet talked to them about sex, HIV and birth control, you have already left it way too late. They need to be empowered with the facts about these issues and know how to protect themselves.

Recognise That Not All Teens Are the Same
Everyone develops at their own pace, and some teens acquire more social and emotional maturity well before their peers do. So there is no hard and fast rule on when a teen is ready to start dating – only you can decide this based on what you know of your own child.

Don’t Dive Into the Deep End Right Away
If your teen is pressuring you to allow dating, but you feel they aren’t quite ready, one alternative is to encourage “group dates”. Instead of going on a one-on-one date, your younger teen might feel more confident going out in a group of friends, where they can still interact with the individual they are interested in, but have the security of peer support.

Safety First
Make a deal with your teen that includes a set curfew, knowing where they are going and with who and they have to let you know if their plans change.  Drunk driving, date rape, spiking of drinks, HIV infection – these are all possible threats and setting limitations on their behaviour can help minimise the risk. If possible, equip your child with a cellphone so that they always have a way to make contact with you if something goes wrong. And let them know that they can phone you any time of day or night without getting into trouble.

Don’t Leave Them Alone
Similarly, you can set limitations on sexual experimentation by having a few basic house rules – like not allowing them to close their bedroom door when there is a member of the opposite sex inside. And always make sure there is proper adult supervision.

Talk About It
The most crucial thing, says Dr Phil, is communication: “If you’re too oppressive and restrictive, you are guaranteeing rebellion. Use logic and reason when creating rules for your teenager. Don’t just forbid certain activities – explain why you forbid them. Doing this will help your teenager understand that you’re not merely trying to be bossy,” he suggests.