I’m writing because I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband tells me he loves me but he lies a lot. He has a child with another woman; a child he didn’t tell me about until after we were married. When I found out, I was very hurt. My husband and I never spoke about this child, and as a result, I became very sick and couldn’t trust him any more. It ate me up on the inside and I tried to kill myself. I’m so hurt because he lied to me. I just want him to open up to me. Maybe if the child is part of our lives the pain will go away. Maybe I will come to accept her. How can I get my husband to open up to me? What can I do to make this pain go away?

A: It seems to me that you are not struggling to come to terms with the existence of your husband’s child, so much as the lies that surround her. The fact that he will not be honest and open with you is what is hurting you most.

I’m 21 years old, and I’m a lesbian. My problem is that my mom doesn’t like my girlfriend. I love her and I can’t lose her because I want to marry her one day. How can I make my mom love her? I don’t want to make my mom angry. My girlfriend is 25 years old, and she has a baby boy. My mom says my girlfriend is still in love with her baby’s father, but I know it’s not like that. My heart is sore because I love her so much – she’s my everything. How can I fix this situation?

A: Your situation is complex, and I’m not sure that you’re going to like what I have to say: I’m wondering whether your mom has come to terms with the fact that you are a lesbian or not. If she has, and you don’t think she has any hidden agenda of undermining your relationships with girls, then you need to think hard about what she is saying.

I have a 16-year-old son who is mentally disabled. He is physically abusive and swears at me and my 10-year-old daughter. He throws knives or any other object that he can lay his hands on at us; he breaks windows by throwing things at them; last year, he tried to stab me with a pair of scissors. This has been going on for a few years now, and he always does it when my husband is at work – he works until 8 pm.
We have called the police numerous times, but when they arrive, he appears calm, so then they just leave. I have been to psychologists but they have not helped; I have been to see social workers, but they have not helped, either. These people do not have mentally disabled people in their family, so I feel they do not believe us when we explain our situation. The whole family wants to put my son in a home because we are tired of living like this. Please help us.

A: You are absolutely right: you need to do what you can to get your son into a home.

I am 20 years old, I have matriculated and am now working to save for my studies. All my siblings are married and have families of their own. My father passed away six years ago, and I’m the only daughter left at home with my mother, who is making my life a living hell. She doesn’t trust me to go out with friends and she has no respect for my privacy…

A: You make a very good point: how can you be an adult if you aren’t even given a chance to be a youngster? Being a parent myself, makes me wonder a few things: have you ever asked your mom why she stops you from having a social life, and what she thinks will happen if you do?

I am a 21-year-old girl. I was in a relationship with a guy for three years. When I dumped him, he told me that every man who fell in love with me, or who took an interest in me, would only give me sex and that is all. I felt he was just hurt…

A: Do you think your ex was serious about cursing you? Do you think he really did something to make this happen, or is this a coincidence? I can’t help wondering why it is that you don’t work, and how come you feel entitled to your boyfriend’s money. If you feel strongly about the money issue with your current boyfriend, ask him and see what he says.

All too often I find that the harm and damage caused by infidelity is not given enough coverage. It’s true that the couple should got for counselling, and the cheating partner must do whatever he or she can to rebuild the relationship, for without trust you have nothing.