I’m a man and I recently fell in love with a male friend who I’ve known for the past six years. He has said that he loves me, but he blows hot and cold. I love him so much.
Everything I do, I do to try and please him. His friends all tell me that what I’m doing is right, but it’s hard to know that when he is nice to me one minute, and the next he doesn’t want anything to do with me.
I believe in God and I know that He will help me. I believe that things will get better between this man and me. This is a pain in my heart that will not go away. I just need to know where I stand with him, but I don’t want to lose him. I am so confused and lost – please help!

A: It’s clear that the man you love does not feel the same degree of devotion to you. Depending on how you look at it, he has taken you for granted. I feel strongly that he has a reason for not wanting to pursue this relationship in the same way you do. By that, I mean that he seems to be busy with other things, and perhaps you should ask him whether or not he would like to end things between you. If he wants to maintain his relationship with you, it might be good to ask him to explain what appear to be his mixed feelings and what he wants from the relationship, and how he would like it to be conducted in the future.

I am a 23-year-old lady who’s in love with someone I don’t know. He works at a correspondence college that I called for some advice, and we started talking on the phone. During the conversation, we both felt an instant chemistry. Once, my father didn’t send me the money to pay for my studies, so I called this guy and told him everything. He calmed me down and told me he loves me; we’ve been speaking to each other regularly ever since. Each time he tells me he loves me. I feel like a queen! I sent him my photo but he never sent me his. And every time we plan to meet, something happens and we have to postpone it.
Sometimes he says he wants me to have his baby and I want that, too. Does he love me or not? My previous relationships have disappointed me, but when I say I love somebody, I love him with my life. Does he really feel the same way I do?

A: I can’t tell you how he feels, but I can tell you a few things that should help you to know that you need to be careful:
If he wanted you to know him, he would have sent you his picture. He would also have made a plan to meet you. His circumstances could be anything under the sun, and you are feeding off of a dream.

I’m writing because I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband tells me he loves me but he lies a lot. He has a child with another woman; a child he didn’t tell me about until after we were married. When I found out, I was very hurt. My husband and I never spoke about this child, and as a result, I became very sick and couldn’t trust him any more. It ate me up on the inside and I tried to kill myself. I’m so hurt because he lied to me. I just want him to open up to me. Maybe if the child is part of our lives the pain will go away. Maybe I will come to accept her. How can I get my husband to open up to me? What can I do to make this pain go away?

A: It seems to me that you are not struggling to come to terms with the existence of your husband’s child, so much as the lies that surround her. The fact that he will not be honest and open with you is what is hurting you most.

I’m 21 years old, and I’m a lesbian. My problem is that my mom doesn’t like my girlfriend. I love her and I can’t lose her because I want to marry her one day. How can I make my mom love her? I don’t want to make my mom angry. My girlfriend is 25 years old, and she has a baby boy. My mom says my girlfriend is still in love with her baby’s father, but I know it’s not like that. My heart is sore because I love her so much – she’s my everything. How can I fix this situation?

A: Your situation is complex, and I’m not sure that you’re going to like what I have to say: I’m wondering whether your mom has come to terms with the fact that you are a lesbian or not. If she has, and you don’t think she has any hidden agenda of undermining your relationships with girls, then you need to think hard about what she is saying.

I have a 16-year-old son who is mentally disabled. He is physically abusive and swears at me and my 10-year-old daughter. He throws knives or any other object that he can lay his hands on at us; he breaks windows by throwing things at them; last year, he tried to stab me with a pair of scissors. This has been going on for a few years now, and he always does it when my husband is at work – he works until 8 pm.
We have called the police numerous times, but when they arrive, he appears calm, so then they just leave. I have been to psychologists but they have not helped; I have been to see social workers, but they have not helped, either. These people do not have mentally disabled people in their family, so I feel they do not believe us when we explain our situation. The whole family wants to put my son in a home because we are tired of living like this. Please help us.

A: You are absolutely right: you need to do what you can to get your son into a home.

I am 20 years old, I have matriculated and am now working to save for my studies. All my siblings are married and have families of their own. My father passed away six years ago, and I’m the only daughter left at home with my mother, who is making my life a living hell. She doesn’t trust me to go out with friends and she has no respect for my privacy…

A: You make a very good point: how can you be an adult if you aren’t even given a chance to be a youngster? Being a parent myself, makes me wonder a few things: have you ever asked your mom why she stops you from having a social life, and what she thinks will happen if you do?

I am a 21-year-old girl. I was in a relationship with a guy for three years. When I dumped him, he told me that every man who fell in love with me, or who took an interest in me, would only give me sex and that is all. I felt he was just hurt…

A: Do you think your ex was serious about cursing you? Do you think he really did something to make this happen, or is this a coincidence? I can’t help wondering why it is that you don’t work, and how come you feel entitled to your boyfriend’s money. If you feel strongly about the money issue with your current boyfriend, ask him and see what he says.

All too often I find that the harm and damage caused by infidelity is not given enough coverage. It’s true that the couple should got for counselling, and the cheating partner must do whatever he or she can to rebuild the relationship, for without trust you have nothing.