My Boyfriend Beats Me

Q: I have been living with my boyfriend for the past four years. We have an 11-month-old baby boy. Ever since I fell pregnant, my boyfriend has been beating me.I am afraid to have him arrested because he might be deported. I still love him so much, but when he beats me up, I see so much hate in his eyes. I have asked him to leave, but he refuses. Please help me.

A: Think about the beatings. Are they getting more violent and more cruel than before? If that is the case, and he has threatened to kill you, you need to act fast. The best course of action may be to threaten to have him arrested, and then make him aware of the fact that he will be deported. The other option is to find someone who will help you, and leave. You can also try going for counselling and see if he will come with you to sort out his problem. This action may cause him to stop, but it may not. Ideally, you should find a shelter for abused women, to advise you and give you a place to stay while you get your life back together.

If you love him, tolerating his beatings does not help him. You have the law to protect you and he needs to acknowledge that he has a serious anger problem. You can’t solve it for him. His anger goes far deeper than his relationship with you. The chances are, he was badly hurt by someone else. This trauma could affect you and your son for the rest of your lives, so you need to take care of your baby and yourself first.